We are only on Wednesday… pre lunchtime and already this week has been a shocker!
It all boils down to men…
The absolute bane of my life at the moment!
So… Needy, an ex is back on the scene and yet again I am proving I am my own worst enemy. Having had a heart to heart of sorts, we both agreed we still liked each other and the question was laid out, ‘what did I want to happen’. Cool. Except nothing is happening. It really is the same shit, different day with him. He drives me mad, but weirdly enough is the only guy from this year that I would go back to.
Another blast from my past messaged last night, completely out of the blue, to ask if I fancied a night of fun. I contemplated this for a moment, he could hold a conversation, was tall, dark and handsome and packed a nice lunchbox… then the inevitable came… a night of fun… and invite some others. *Facepalm* Needless to say, I have not replied!
If you are reading this and are single, you will no doubt fully empathise with my situation. Men are simple creatures with simple minds and as such, it is best to treat them with this in mind. Spell things out for them, in other words… make it simple! Though this week is a regular occurence. It is irritating and soul destroying, even for the strongest amongst us!
If you are reading this and you are in a relationship, then stop your farking whinging! Yes, sometimes the grass really can be greener on the other side… but at least you will know who you are dealing with. You will know how their mind works, you do not have to carry out inane small talk, you do not have to worry about looking like a desperado sending a message, when you messaged last anyway. Oh gosh, the list is endless and I really could rant on all day about this. At least Heather is totally backing my corner on this one, we are both agreed that men suck!
Though the pièce de résistance this week, came on Monday night… I would love to say this was a once in a blue experience, when you are dating, it unfortunately is not (refer to my selfie post!)
I had been chatting with a seemingly decent chap, he ticked all my boxes and so it progressed to swapping numbers, a couple of Whatsapp messages… and then he phoned me. I do tend to like this approach as you get an instant feeling about someone and it takes big cajones (Mexican slang for balls!) to ring someone you do not really know, it’s quite personal. His sense of humour was somewhat like mine, I do not know if I actually liked this or not! He seemed too excitable, spoke far too quickly and I found myself losing track of the conversation quite easily and he liked to talk about his cock… a lot! Back to messaging and he clearly was itching to show me, despite my protestations that I have seen it all before (I have! My phone gallery is awesome!), but no… this guy wanted to take it one step further… he was really embarrassed about a ‘little problem he had’…
A tight foreskin.
Cue raised eyebrow and the need to Google this problem… personally I couldn’t see what he problem was. We all have flaws, I am no Kate Moss, but I am quite comfortable in my skin and rock the curves. Maybe he just had a confidence problem and needed reassurance…
He sent me a video.
I kid you not.
He sent me a video of him unveiling his aforementioned tight foreskinned knob.
There are certain things you can never unsee. Thanks to this man, I shall never now unsee this image. Clearly he was really embarrassed, to the point of super excitement at sending me the video. I could just see him jumping up and down, clapping like an excited seal…. newbies to online dating are always too eager to please and catch up with the pack. They do not realise that ladies (like myself) do not appreciate such images, it is not endearing and it certainly isn’t pretty!
Sigh. Facepalm. Sigh. Hit head on desk. Is it really only Wednesday?!
I am getting my jacket now and heading up to the cat sanctuary… see you on the other side!
Image courtesy of pixabay.com